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Art Of Living

Chapter 5: Quit Personality
     Three necessary points for having a quiet personality are: (a) Tension relief (b) Peace in the family (c) Control over anger. There are many reasons for tension, as one can realize a person having a tense personality by reading his face. Because of tension, there is the birth of an impatient personality, and also there develops physical and mental problems. Try to understand the reasons for your tension and find the cure for it, and then only can a quiet personality be born.

      External Reasons for Stress:work overload; time pressures; information overload Internal Reasons for Stressfalse beliefs; uncontrolled desires; lack of enthusiasm (laziness); negative emotions; uncontrolled body, mind, and speech

Bodily Symptoms of a Stressed Person:

  1. Tense muscles
  2. Irregular breathing
  3. Dry mouth
  4. Sweaty
  5. Cold hands and feet
  6. Loose bowel movement
  7. Jittery/shaky hands
  8. Frequent urination
Behavioral Symptoms of a Stressed Person:
  1. Intoxication
  2. Biting nails
  3. Social withdrawal
  4. Undisciplined & disorganized lifestyle
Emotional Symptoms of a Stressed Person:
  1. Irritability
  2. Aggressive
  3. Worry/anxiety
  4. Hopelessness
  5. Insecurity
  6. Insomnia
  7. Bad Dreams
  8. Mood Instability
  9. Crying Screaming
  10. Slow Decision-Making
  11. Forgetfullness
  12. Lack Of Creativity
Diseases caused by Stress/Tension:
  1. High blood pressure
  2. Gas/li>
  3. Diabetes
  4. Insomnia
  5. Headache
  6. Pain in joints (arthritis)
  7. Asthma
  8. Ulcers
How to be Free from Tension:
  1. Do not follow a life of leisure.
  2. Do not accept responsibility beyond your limits.
  3. Do not go against your inner voice.
  4. Try to learn to live in the present.
  5. Control yourself when it comes to unnecessary wishes/desires.
  6. Peace in Family Life:
     To decipher a person’s personality, look at his relationship with his family members. In this age of convenience, tolerance is decreasing and thus, families are breaking apart. Under these circumstances, in order to make family life pleasant and united, the following things are essential:

  1. Families should be small.
  2. One meal should be taken and one bhajan sung daily together as a group.
  3. There should be weekly meetings to exchange mutual thoughts - good qualities as well as faults should be discussed. Understand each other’s feelings in a proper way.
  4. We should think about the way we feel toward each other. Is it selfish (based on the usefulness of the other person) or is it intimate? If the feelings are selfish, then you are living not in a home, but in a hotel. The mentality in a home is not one of selfishness, but one of intimacy and surrender. The difference between a home and a hotel can be analogous to the difference between a bird’s nest and a cage. The nest in itself is a home, whereas the cage is loaded from the outside. Therefore, the nest represents security while the cage represents shackles.
  5. Religion should not start from a holy place, but from the home.
  6. Family members should keep their needs limited.
  7. Learn to tolerate each other peacefully & treat all equally.
  8. Do not have too many expectations of each other.
  9. Pain in joints (arthritis)
  10. Be self-reliant. Do your work yourself
  11. Treat the children in an appropriate manner. Scolding them and taking an extremely authoritative position shatters their mental personality. Praise the good and successful acts of children.
  12. The right time to indoctrinate children with good values starts from conception and progresses through 12 years of age. By age 12, children have matured and then it is difficult to teach them the right values.
  13. All members of the family, at their convenience, should practice Maun (keeping silent) for 1 hour daily.
  14. No member of the family should have bad habits.
  15. No member of the family should be looked down upon or neglected.
  16. Discipline is the backbone of the family. Therefore, the young should respect their elders & the elders should treat the young with affection.
  17. Effort should be made to uproot all the bad and evil ways.
  18. Excessive greed & great ambition break apart a family. Keep away from them.
  19. Develop the mentality of helping others even at the cost of putting yourself in trouble
  20. All work should be performed not as a burden, but joyfully with a sense of worship
  21. Family members should have a peaceful and sweet nature. Anger destroys peace in a family. Thus, develop the habit of always remaining peaceful
Process of Controlling Anger:

     Anger is opposite, or the negative of one’s nature, as peace is the permanent nature of one’s soul. Anger is not our nature and it is not permanent, but forgiveness is our nature. There are two forms of anger: External/Active & Inner/Passive - Passive/Inner anger is more dangerous and harmful than External/Active anger. A person from the outside can look very quiet, but inside they can be full of anger and hate. Anger is a negative emotion that is difficult to control. It also causes hindrances in social and spiritual advancement. Emotional people get distressed easily, but by keeping anger under control, the emotional personality is enhanced.

Reasons for Anger:
  1. Fast breathing
  2. Red Face
  3. Higher rate of pulse
  4. Mental imbalance
  5. Impatience
  6. Interpersonal friction
  7. Negative karmic reaction
  8. Irregular eating habits
  9. Persistent unbalanced thinking & behavior
  10. High blood pressure
  11. Gas
  12. Diabetes
Keys to Control Anger:
  1. Be responsible for your own anger
  2. When one person is angry, the other person should be quiet.
  3. Do not react at the negative things people say, and try not to accept them. Try to learn to be quiet and calm in a very hot argumentative situation
  4. Practice controlling speech
  5. Avoid foods that are fried, spicy, & hot because they are stimulants
  6. Try to practice deep-breathing. Watch your breathing, feel your breath passing through you for 15 minutes a day
  7. Practice meditation for 10 minutes each day

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Art of Living
A Handbook
Non voilence
Preksha Dhyan

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21st Century
Jeevan Vigyan